dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
