I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
