and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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