So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
