Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
