I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
