if you like me you must not know who I am
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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