what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
