Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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