Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
