Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
