i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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