im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
