I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
