I'm jealous of your bromance
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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