i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
