508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
