her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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