They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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