I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize