Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
