What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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