We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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