I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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