I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
