he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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