the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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