His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
