Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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