I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
