Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So here I am, sexting at work.
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