oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
