I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
