Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Help. Why am I so naked?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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