I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
