How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
