I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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