Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
