he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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