Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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