three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
