phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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