He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
