Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
