did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
