My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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