My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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