I am in a vortex of obligation.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
