Your dad touched me again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Couch. On fire.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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