the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had sex on a roof
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
