census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
