The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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