i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
