Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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