Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
True college students do jello shots in the library
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
