I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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