better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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