So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
