Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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