capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
