i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
