when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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