When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
