No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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