genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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