Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
