Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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