I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
