I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
