I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
