so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
